...a new life awaits you... (part II)

And even though

It all went wrong

I'll stand before the Lord of Song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

so just what was it that went so wrong you might be asking...

...good versus best...

he had said that before, my friend TJ that is.

And before I found myself in a similar position...too much to do. 

I'm not sure I have time to study with you.

I'm not sure I have time to walk with you.

Good versus best he said again. 

It's not the bad things that are the enemy of best, it's the good things. It's the things we can't say no to. It's the things we feel obliged to do for others, for God, for ourselves? In the end we do nothing best because we only have time to do good or God forbid...bad.

I prayed and reflected and prayed more and I eventually said yes. I decided to walk with my friend TJ and 6 other men in a 12 week study to learn more about myself. I suppose this was when God started to re-awaken my creative desires. This was awhile ago, a couple years have passed but TJ's words echoed again recently...good versus best.

I must tell you the first time I said yes after hearing those words I wasn't convinced it would be best and to be honest I can't really remember why I did say yes. But what transpired couldn't have been scripted any better. 

By the way, I've said it many times but God never ceases to amaze me.

Shortly after my return to faith I knew I would one day be baptized again, but I didn't know when. I always wanted it to be meaningful. I wanted to feel it, I didn't just want to be "dunked". The day had come when my church was baptizing again... 

I was ready, but was I?

Was I in a position to really feel it?

How could I make this eventful?

How could I...

All the wrong questions even though I didn't know it.

...whoever wants to save their life...

So I prayed for a long time that morning.

God please make this experience memorable for me.

Please let me feel it, I mean really feel it.

I'm so thankful for all that you did to take me back, for all that you did to redeem my life, but I'm worried. I'm worried that this will just be a ritual.

It won't mean anything deep down inside.

It will pale in comparison to the love and peace and joy and "coincidental" miracles you seem to surround me with.

Please God, let me feel this one!

Later at church I was surrounded by all my friends.

Many were getting baptized too.

It felt good.

It felt like love.

But most importantly I was beginning to realize that...it felt.

Yes, I was...feeling it.

It was surrounding me and

it was warming me from the inside.

HEY!

huh?

BROTHA!

Looking up TJ's familiar grin is calling out to me from the pool.

I smiled back.

He's calling me out from way back in line.

He's singling me out of all these people.

He's choosing me.

I didn't know TJ was going to be there.

I didn't know TJ baptized people.

I almost didn't know TJ.

...good versus best...

he said those words again a couple Mondays ago, my friend TJ that is.

While I remember completely feeling my baptism. While I remember completely all the encouraging, loving, personal words spoken to me through TJ. While I remember TJ was a man I would have never known, a man who would never have known me enough to "personalize" my baptism, had I not said yes to his first - good verses best, I now found myself thinking...

no.

I don't have time for your group.

I don't have time to walk with you on this one.

...a new life awaits you in the off-world colonies...

I told you I'm not sure I want that life?

I told you I want this life.

Why did YOU show me this other stuff?

Why did YOU show me all this other stuff that's not part of this group?

YOU know I don't have time for all this.

Why do I feel obliged to decide against myself?

Why do I feel obliged to go against my heart?

What kind of an obligation is that?

Why can't I be who I want to be?

I thought  that's what YOU were showing me all this time.

Why?

Just tell me why?

...whoever loses their life for me will find it.

[to be continued]