...it's been a long time since I've been here perhaps too long and I'm finding myself in a strange place tonight, but I think it fits in with the continuation of this epilogue so I will write...
My day was long, my Sundays have been lately, don't get me wrong I love my Sundays. They are filled with God and God's people. It's a beautiful community He's blessed me with, but I also find myself tired after 12 hours of activity on these Sundays. So tonight I came home to do, well, nothing. At least that's what I thought...
but something is stirring inside me...
I want more.
I'm tired but somehow I want more.
more of what you might be asking.
more life actually.
it's not so much that my life is lacking,
no that's definitely not the case,
my day was full but as I laid down to rest a bit I found I wasn't ready.
something inside me wanted more
something inside me wanted rest
yet something else inside me wanted to keep going
there was a tension there that made me remember
made me remember this story I've been telling here
so what was it that was so fascinating about Blade Runner and my 3 day story.
actually
everything.
You see Blade Runner was at one time the quintessential post modern film concerning the notions of simulacra and simulation by Jean Baudrillard and others.
?????
what does that mean you ask?
basically that's an over-intellectualized way of saying this was a great flick about what's real and what's not and perhaps asks the question is there a difference?
but beyond that (and I didn't care to notice this so much back when I first saw Blade Runner as I was an atheist then) there are so many allusions to God and creation and the struggles of man that it was really quite timely that my friend's blog just happened to have this cation to her haunting image.
...a new life awaits you in the off-world colonies...
So I should back up to give a little background of the movie before diving into this explanation any further. The basic premise is this; the movie takes place in the future and there is a corporation that has developed very human-like androids to be slave labor in the dangerous mining in the off-world colonies. These androids called "replicants" were so human-like that no one could tell if they were replicants without subjecting them to a test. "More human than human" was the motto of the company who created them. These replicants were created with super-human abilities to be more productive these abilities also made them potentially dangerous so the company created a fail safe means of controlling them - they programmed them with only a 4 year life span. So what happens is a group of replicants nearing the end of their fourth year mutinied against the people they worked for killing them all and then came back to earth to find their maker and demand more life... starting to sound familiar?
So here I am tonight, in a moment when I'm "too tired" to do anymore
and yet I can't rest I want more...
I want more life.
I want more of this amazing life God blesses me with.
I want to share more that might help others see Him.
...if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes...
This was my response to my friend's blog photo and caption.
The caption was the line: "a new life awaits you in the off-world colonies" an advertisement played in the movie to attract people to the off-world colonies the replicants were building.
...if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes...
This was my response to the haunting look on her face.
This was another quote that one of the replicants told to the eye-maker in the company.
I wasn't sure what she was feeling in that haunting look, but she was definitely....
feeling.
Some part of me felt she was uncertain
some part of me felt she was maybe feeling hesitation, maybe some fear, maybe she couldn't see what an amazing thing she was doing, what an amazing thing she was doing for God.
I was seeing something in her in that photo.
How often is it that we can't see...
that we can't see what God is doing in our lives.
I can't help but think these are often the very words of God whispering to us in times of struggle, in times we can no longer see where we're going.
...if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes...
You see God already knows what lies ahead.
He has already seen what we will see.
He made our plans long before He made our eyes...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11
if only we could see what He's already seen with our eyes...
I couldn't see it either back when this story was happening to me, which is what made my Hallelujah also "a cold and broken Hallelujah" [more on Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah to follow Blade Runner]
I apologize for the length of this explanation but there's so many layers here to share.
[to be continued - with an amazing twist to another quote from the film:
"I want more life father"]
